i actually just found my password
So I listen to NPR a lot. Call me a liberal if you want. I like the discussion, the news, and the programing. Ask Lauren. She’s tired of me coming home and telling her about some new fact I’ve learned about bamboo or the tsti fly.
Anyway so one song they’ve been playing a lot lately is this anti war anti government love each other smoke weed and be groovy song. It’s ok I guess, for what the artist is trying to get across (the legalization of marajana?). One line stuck with me though.
Speaking out against the war the artist sings “Cause Jesus would not send young men to die”
Aparantly the artist is reading a different Jesus than me… cause as i thought about it, that’s exactly what He did do.
He took 12 Jewish young men and knowingly sent them to their deaths. They’re peaceful existence of fish and money counting was exchanged for a cross, an angry mob, lions, hot oil, and ultimately the death of every one who sat around the circle as God incarnate gave his great commission.
We hail the great commission as just that great, which it is. But we forget the cost. As someone in history said, “The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church.”
Please don’t missunderstand me. I’m not trying to glorify martyrdom. Rather I think knowing their future, Jesus sent them to die to self and die to this world. That seems like something this artist could never support. I wonder if he knows?
Christ’s view on death is not our human view. We think he opposes death. We forget that he conquered it.
So i haven’t written lately. For that i apologize. I’ve been doing a lot lately. I’m still unemployed. That sounded a bit ironic.
Don’t get me wrong I do work somewhere, but that is hard to explain. It involves alternative lifestyles, a safari hut, and a warehouse. No I’m not kidding.
I suppose my mind has been a big jumbled mess lately, but it has been one of those messes you know where everything is kinda thing.
Lauren and I continue to pray that God would use us here in this city. It’s odd cause even though we are here and have been here, it still seems not home. We have our theories but for those you will have to ask.
Influence has been on my mind lately. Who is influencing me and who am i influencing? This questions is huge. It tells me who is leading me. Last week i think it might have been David Cook.
How did Paul do it? Just show up in a city and bam a church…. well then a beating and a shipwreck… but the first part i mean. Or is it a package deal? I think it says something about that in 1 Cor 3 and elsewhere.
Maybe we concentrate too much on the “bam a church” and sell short the showing up and shipwrecks.
Showing up Shipwrecked. I mean even when he did that he planted a church. Maybe all Paul ever asked God was here? Here? Ok. Here? Ok. Here? Ok.
Perhaps it went something like: Wake up on shore. Check for broken limbs. Make sure others aren’t dead. Gather wood. Get bit by snake. Ask God Here. God says Here. Paul says Ok.
I sure hope it was this question. Cause i ask it often. Except perhaps i need to change my tone.
These are two things i seem to have plenty of lately. As many of you know, i was moved from full time to part time with the church that i work with. As a result i am job hunting…which i forgot how different that is in and of itself.
My resume looks oddly straight and to the point. It’s somewhat comical actually because in our heads our life is filled with funny stories, relationships, office parties, and long business trips. But the resume has a way of reducing your life to a series of bullet points.
If those points are successful you find yourself answering questions like, “If you were a tree what color would best describe you in three words?” or “On a scale of one to five (one being none of the time and five being somewhat all the time) rate this statement: I enjoy guns.”
What do they mean enjoy anyway… compared to what?
I find myself in two places that i did not expect to be in at this point in life. Job hunting, and not getting as big of a return as I expected this year. One is easier to deal with than the other. One is the government and really what can you do except say thank you very much sir may i have more next year please… the other is God.
Really though i think the feeling derived from both is the same. Helplessness. You can put your best foot forward, fill out all the right W4’s, sit through interviews, but when it comes down to it, it’s not in your hands.
It’s difficult to say thank you to the government for a small return, it’s even more difficult to say thank you to God for your current state.
This brings to mind the powerful statement that Paul made concerning being content with a little or a lot. I say powerful because it is so counter-intuitive. Power in our mind means action. Potential. Ability to do and to make and to change and to cause work to be done.
If we were honest our definition of power sounds more like the proper definition for self reliance. We imagine a man barking orders or shouting commands that are obeyed instantly. Yet there sits Paul in a prison one moment stating that he is fine with having nothing or fine with having everything, and the next moment asking someone to bring him a coat cause he is cold.
In my mind i ask myself what power can lie within helplessness such as this. For after all helplessness is the exact opposite description of self reliant.
If you are helpless there are no orders to give, just orders to be obeyed. There is no action, just response. There is no ability just fragility.
It is in this exact moment that i am faced with the reality of helplessness for I discover it’s greatest objection: the fear of death.
All of this confuses me. Why then is there value in contentment? How is there greatness in dependence? Who ever heard of a helpless hero or a superpowerful servant? ….until a thought comes to mind.
The most powerful person that ever lived was also the most dependent person and by the way He never died…
In fact I think he talked about this somewhere:
“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; and I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand. “My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. “I and the Father are one.”
Seems like a lot of power… Seems like a lot of dependence.
Today the church at which i work placed an announcement in their bulletin confirming an “Urban Legend” (as someone called it today). Myself and a friend are leaving employment to plant a church in town.
As I woke up this morning and began to get ready for church, I prepared myself for a common questions that accompany church plant announcements. In the process I logged onto my typical devotional location on the web.
Our Daily Bread is a tried and true little devotional guide. Some might accuse it of being a bit simplistic, but this is precisely why i like it. Its not because i don’t have much time, or because I don’t have enough of idea’s to arrange my own time with God.
I enjoy it because i have a hard time turning off my head. I have a hard time turning off the “dissect the verse for four points” button. If you’re a pastor you know what i mean. The temptation to slowly think, “how can i preach this’, often overshadows the “What is God saying to my heart”.
For this reason, Our Daily Bread has been tried and true. It gives me time for reflection. It provides a clear starting place for my prayer, and just enough verses to memorize. It has often reminded me that God is in the small, simple, quite truth. It encourages me by reminding me that God’s word can provide rest and not always work. Plus I don’t pick the verses so if something is right on… I normally chalk it up to the Holy Spirit.
So there i sit, preparing to leave for church where i will be asked a ton of questions about the church planting announcements. In front of me open on the screen is today’s devotion: 1 Corinthians 3:1-10. The memory verse selected from this passage stares back at me in bold.
“Neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.”
Thanks, Father.
I think a lot about doubt. All in all i think a lot.
Sometimes it think that’s my problem. Thinking – i mean
One of the misconceptions I believe people who wrestle with doubt tell themselves is that if they could just remove their brain, somehow the doubt would disappear. I often hear one say, “if i could just do it and not think about it.”
This thought normally wakes the sleeping movie technician in my brain. He wanders over to a shelf and pulls a reel out of a box marked action scenes. He then proceeds to play a sequence from a movie where a skydiver is standing at the plane door attempting to convince himself to jump.
Eventually someone just pushes him out.
So there i stand. Normally at the door of the plane convincing myself it’s all in my head. Most of the times i wish I could toss my brain out the door first (sans parachute).
The fallacy i believe lies in the idea that doubt is always connected to knowledge. It is true that knowledge plays a large role in not doubting, however I would say that most who are told a fact don’t truly stop doubting until they see it for themselves. (that whole put my hand in his side thing that made Thomas famous)
Thus the idea of tossing the brain really wouldn’t alleviate doubt. Doubt is not the equivalent of lack of knowledge. It is the lack of proof. It has been my observation that proof has to it a layer greater than mere knowledge. One might call proof: “knowledge with substance.” It has a weight. It is tangible where as the simple “idea” eludes a grasp.
So when one is crying out in doubt, he or she might as well be saying, “Give me substance!” (hence the courts question: “do you have anything to substantiate that claim?”)
All of this comes together when one is faced with fear. For fear and doubt are always companions. I have watched many try to medicate the fear and doubt with information. These are the Skydivers who are re-reading the parachute instructions on the flight up. Yet no matter how many times they read, the knot in the center of the stomach is still growing tighter and tighter.
For this reason the Bible does not say: “perfect knowledge casts out fear.” For doubt and fear must be quenched by the substantial. The skeptics ask for substance. They cry out for what they can see. They desire enlightenment with a handle, and God has answered.
“Perfect Love, casts out fear.” Doubt and fear are vanquished by the weight of a Cross. It is the skeptic’s substance, the doubter’s vision of proof, and the fearful’s solid ground. The skeptic, the doubter, and the fearful have all reached out a hand in pursuit of a surety more than knowledge and their fingers have wrapped around a rough Roman post.
Is it any wonder the lyrics ring out “i will cling to the old rugged cross and exchange it some day for a crown”
It is here the author understands the connection between the cross of Christ and the hope of his future. The two are inseparable. When he doubts he need only to look as far as the cross. And in that moment of crisis understand: it is not the knowledge that comforts him, but the substance of the love poured out there.
I remind myself again:
The reply to doubt is not the removal of the brain, but the revolution of the heart.
Would that i remember this daily.
I went to Atlanta over the weekend. I almost died.
Well ok, not almost. There was a Tornado. It decided to pass over the quaint little coffee shop/cafe we were in and hit the SEC Championship Tournament. Apparently “someone” isn’t a Kentucky fan.
Other than the blustery weather the weekend was much needed. Every so often i get this misconception that life in Springfield is life everywhere. I have a heart for Springfield, but living here in the land of endless winters and very needy people (all people are needy – some just wear it on there face) can take it’s toll.
It can very quickly make you feel like you are playing that claw game at Chucky Cheese. You have spent four thousand tokens and grabbed the stuffed animal 90 million times. You’ve looked from all angles and were sure of each placement, only to have it slip out time and again. In short you loose hope. Hope is a big word.
I’d say more than anything, this is what i brought back from Atlanta. I don’t mean the hope that’s attached to the upcoming NCAA tournament.
I mean the kind that is attached to God’s word. The hope that means the looking forward to a fact. Like the hope of summer vacation dwelling in each students mind as I type this. Like the hope of Friday’s paycheck, and the hope of ones birthday.
But it’s not a birthday, it’s not a paycheck, and it’s not a summer vacation. It’s redemption.
So here I sit outside on my back patio enjoying the last of the outdoors before another winter storm front moves in. Yes it is March.
Beside me is the younger of our two dogs – Yonah (named after this). She is a real people dog. Pretty much content to be near anyone at all times of the day.
Nali (short for Denali), the older of the two is off eating plastic or my fence or some piece of my yard that I will have to replace in the spring. She is always doing something. It’s now that I think we should have named them Mary and Martha, but I’m really glad we didn’t.
I found out today that I will probably need to be finding different work sooner than I had originally thought. It’s hard to know what to do. Part of me wants to get a job in town that’s full time and do the ministry on the side. The other half wants to do part time work and try to raise the other. Still another says why not try to raise it all.
Raising support. There’s something I didn’t think I’d be doing this year. I hate asking for money. Maybe I’ll just ask God.
I’m pretty sure that pastoral ministry is the only line of work where you go to school for seven years and obtain a grad degree only to turn around and work at Starbucks or send out letters asking for assistance.
If it sounds like I’m complaining I’m not. Well maybe a little. I signed up for this. It’s not like I didn’t think this would happen.
It’s ironic. Tonight I’m speaking at Campus Crusade at Wright State University. The subject? Cost of Discipleship. The main point? Following means really following.
You say no joke. It’s true though. Following means following like you’ve never followed anything before. It means leaving your dead dad unburied, not saying goodbye to your parents or paying those last bills, and never really feeling at home anywhere.
I look around my corner lot and pretty much ask what it is going to cost. My shed? Not my shed. What about the fence- er what’s left of the fence… God please don’t take my crappy fence.
If you ask my wife, she’ll tell you that I’ve often prayed the opposite.
So some rumors about a church plant in Springfield have been circulating. Most of them are true. Some of them are not.
It’s interesting because since I’ve been married, I’ve crossed into this realm of my life in which i had never really conceived what would happen. I suppose I had ideas. It’s kind of like at Christmas time when you look at that oddly shaped, strangely wrapped gift and say to yourself, “I think i know what that is…”
I mean you know what you asked for. So you shake it a bit, look at it from all sides, and ultimately assure yourself that your family loves you so, “why wouldn’t the get you what you asked for?”
Of course we all know that you run the risk of the fateful Christmas morning unwrapping what you think is an Xbox 360 only to find a “Funk and Wagnall’s” starter set.
It’s then that your loved one looks at you and says i had the Xbox in my hand, but thought this was just a better investment for you. So you force a smile and say thanks.
It’s this type of experience that makes you think, “I hope God doesn’t want to do any investing, in His gift giving.” But i think this where your family dynamics and God’s family dynamics part ways. After all any Encyclopedia he gives you He wrote (which begs the comment that if God gave you an Encyclopedia i think Human Nature is to look up yourself and see what He had written – and attempt to file edits with the appropriate angel).
So here i sit. I know what i’ve asked for, but i can’t help but shake the future and pick at it’s wrapping to perhaps catch a glimpse of what’s inside. As i hear the rumors of church planting i almost hear them as if i’m outside the whole issue.
People ask questions like, “hey what are you getting for Christmas?” All i can do is glance out of the corner of my eye at that present under the tree and say… “well, I’ve got some ideas.” But the cool part is that there’s always a chance it’s sox or a necktie or even encyclopedias.
Good thing i know the one who wrapped it…. and it’s then that i think that really i wouldn’t mind his neck tie or sox…. or his starter set of a gift that’s more an investment.
I think he said something about that somewhere….?
It’s true.I’m back in the blog world. I think this is attempt three? Not sure. I don’t even know if anyone is counting. When we get to heaven i’d be surprised if God was like, “Great job on the church thing, thanks for loving the unlovable, but three blogs? C’mon.” Even so i judge that like i so often humanly judge everything else. I assume a simple, “At least i don’t have five like so and so” will satisfy the infinite, almighty.
That’s where things break down. The constant comparison affair that i have with this world. Somewhere in the midst of Bible reading and service, i so easily slip into the “look what i can do God” mode. Suddenly i stop and ask again of Him, “What do you think of me now?” As if now means the same to the infinite as it does to me.
It’s then that i notice it. Kinda like what would happen if you suddenly realized you were wearing the same thing for the 7th day in a row. Or like when you get out of a shower, clean and calm only to notice for the first time the smell of the clothes that you just took off. They didn’t seem so bad when they were on, but now wow.
These are the clothes i so often root around in the closet, find, and don once again. These are the clothes i wear. I think they’re called filthy rags.
It seldom occurs to me that God prefers for us to show up naked. Hence the phrase “as God intended”. And here is where if find solace. That it really is what He’s intended all along. Simply me. Naked. Spiritual Nudity. Grab the camera.
